Gary Chapman

Quotes by Gary Chapman

• In the area of linguistics, there are major languagegroups: Japanese, Chinese, Spanish, English, Portuguese,Greek, German, French, and so on. Most of us grow uplearning the language of our parents and siblings, whichbecomes our primary or native tongue. Later, we may learnadditional languages but usually with much more effort.These become our secondary languages. We speak andunderstand best our native language. We feel mostcomfortable speaking that language. The more we use asecondary language, the more comfortable we becomeconversing in it. If we speak only our primary language andencounter someone else who speaks only his or herprimary language, which is different from ours, ourcommunication will be limited. We must rely on pointing,grunting, drawing pictures, or acting out our ideas. We cancommunicate, but it is awkward. Language differences arepart and parcel of human culture. If we are to communicateeffectively across cultural lines, we must learn the languageof those with whom we wish to communicate.In the area of love, it is similar. Your emotional lovelanguage and the language of your spouse may be asdifferent as Chinese from English. No matter how hard youtry to express love in English, if your spouse understandsonly Chinese, you will never understand how to love eachother. My friend on the plane was speaking the language of"Affirming Words" to his third wife when he said, "I told herhow beautiful she was. I told her I loved her. I told her howproud I was to be her husband." He was speaking love, andhe was sincere, but she did not understand his language.Perhaps she was looking for love in his behavior and didn'tsee it. Being sincere is not enough. We must be willing tolearn our spouse's primary love language if we are to beeffective communicators of love.

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• Discipline is not a negative word. It comes from the Greek word to train.

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• I would encourage you to make your own investigation of the one whom, as He died, prayed for those who killed Him: 'Father forgive them for they know not what they do.' That is love's ultimate expression.

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• What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage.

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• The best way to predict future is to create it. Abraham Lincoln

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• Love doesn't erase the past, but it makes the future different.

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• Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.

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• People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.

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• Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse's perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement. With verbal encouragement, we are trying to communicate, I know. I care. I am with you. How can I help? We are trying to show that we believe in him and in his abilities. We are giving credit and praise.

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• People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.

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• I would encourage you to make your own investigation of the one whom, as He died, prayed for those who killed Him: 'Father forgive them for they know not what they do.' That is love's ultimate expression.

  Read quote

• Discipline is not a negative word. It comes from the Greek word to train.

  Read quote

• In the area of linguistics, there are major languagegroups: Japanese, Chinese, Spanish, English, Portuguese,Greek, German, French, and so on. Most of us grow uplearning the language of our parents and siblings, whichbecomes our primary or native tongue. Later, we may learnadditional languages but usually with much more effort.These become our secondary languages. We speak andunderstand best our native language. We feel mostcomfortable speaking that language. The more we use asecondary language, the more comfortable we becomeconversing in it. If we speak only our primary language andencounter someone else who speaks only his or herprimary language, which is different from ours, ourcommunication will be limited. We must rely on pointing,grunting, drawing pictures, or acting out our ideas. We cancommunicate, but it is awkward. Language differences arepart and parcel of human culture. If we are to communicateeffectively across cultural lines, we must learn the languageof those with whom we wish to communicate.In the area of love, it is similar. Your emotional lovelanguage and the language of your spouse may be asdifferent as Chinese from English. No matter how hard youtry to express love in English, if your spouse understandsonly Chinese, you will never understand how to love eachother. My friend on the plane was speaking the language of"Affirming Words" to his third wife when he said, "I told herhow beautiful she was. I told her I loved her. I told her howproud I was to be her husband." He was speaking love, andhe was sincere, but she did not understand his language.Perhaps she was looking for love in his behavior and didn'tsee it. Being sincere is not enough. We must be willing tolearn our spouse's primary love language if we are to beeffective communicators of love.

  Read quote

• Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse's perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement. With verbal encouragement, we are trying to communicate, I know. I care. I am with you. How can I help? We are trying to show that we believe in him and in his abilities. We are giving credit and praise.

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• What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage.

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• Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.

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• The best way to predict future is to create it. Abraham Lincoln

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• Love doesn't erase the past, but it makes the future different.

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• If you want to improve a relationship, it's not that you demand your spouse to change. You have to ask, 'Where did I fail in this relationship?'

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• Typically, we get annoyed when our spouses complain. We get defensive. But, really, when your spouse complains, he or she is giving you wonderful information about what would make him or her feel loved.

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