Henry Cloud

Quotes by Henry Cloud

• We grow in part by confessing our faults and weaknesses to each other (James 5:16; Eccl. 4:10). If we are always being strong and without needs, we are not growing, and we are setting ourselves up for a very dangerous fall.

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• Boundary construction is most evident in three-year-olds. Boundary construction is most evident in three-year-olds. By this time, they should have mastered the following tasks:1. The ability to be emotionally attached to others, yet without giving up a sense of self and one—s freedom to be apart, 2. The ability to say appropriate no's to others without fear of loss of love, 3. The ability to take appropriate no's from others without withdrawing emotionally. Noting these tasks, a friend said half-joking, They need to learn this by age three? How about by fourty-three? Yes, these are tall orders but boundary development is essential in the early years of life.

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• If you do not forgive, you are demanding something your offender does not choose to give, even if it is only confession of what he did. This ties him to you and ruins boundaries. Let the dysfunctional family you came from go. Cut it loose, and you will be free.

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• Certainly, child rearing requires many different interventions. There are times for helping, for not getting involved, or for being strict, But the real issue is this: Is what you are going being done on purpose? Or are you doing it from reasons that you do not think about, such as your own personality, childhood, need of the moment, or fears?

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• For love to work, each spouse has to realize his or her freedom. And boundaries help define the freedom we have and the freedom we do not have. Marriage is not slavery. It is based on a love relationship deeply rooted in freedom. Each partner is free from the other and therefore free to love the other. Where there is control, or perception of control, there is not love. Love only exists where there is freedom.

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• Clarity leads to attention and attention leads to results.

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• As a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: What you create and What you allow.

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• When leaders lead in ways that people's brains can follow, good results follow as well.

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• Learning to accept powerlessness has profound spiritual implications for your child. When we accept the reality of our human condition -- that we are ultimately powerless to change our fallen state, yet totally responsible for being in it -- we are driven to receive God's solution based on his Son's payment of a debt we can't pay.

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• Defensive devaluation is a protective device that makes love bad, trust unimportant and people no darn good any way. People who have been deeply hurt in their relationships will often devalue love so it doesn't hurt so much. And they often become resigned to never loving again.

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• You aren't alive if you aren't in need.

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• This is one of the marks of a truly safe person: they are confrontable.

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• Clarity leads to attention and attention leads to results.

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• As a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: What you create and What you allow.

  Read quote

• If you do not forgive, you are demanding something your offender does not choose to give, even if it is only confession of what he did. This ties him to you and ruins boundaries. Let the dysfunctional family you came from go. Cut it loose, and you will be free.

  Read quote

• Learning to accept powerlessness has profound spiritual implications for your child. When we accept the reality of our human condition -- that we are ultimately powerless to change our fallen state, yet totally responsible for being in it -- we are driven to receive God's solution based on his Son's payment of a debt we can't pay.

  Read quote

• Certainly, child rearing requires many different interventions. There are times for helping, for not getting involved, or for being strict, But the real issue is this: Is what you are going being done on purpose? Or are you doing it from reasons that you do not think about, such as your own personality, childhood, need of the moment, or fears?

  Read quote

• Boundary construction is most evident in three-year-olds. Boundary construction is most evident in three-year-olds. By this time, they should have mastered the following tasks:1. The ability to be emotionally attached to others, yet without giving up a sense of self and one—s freedom to be apart, 2. The ability to say appropriate no's to others without fear of loss of love, 3. The ability to take appropriate no's from others without withdrawing emotionally. Noting these tasks, a friend said half-joking, They need to learn this by age three? How about by fourty-three? Yes, these are tall orders but boundary development is essential in the early years of life.

  Read quote

• When leaders lead in ways that people's brains can follow, good results follow as well.

  Read quote

• We grow in part by confessing our faults and weaknesses to each other (James 5:16; Eccl. 4:10). If we are always being strong and without needs, we are not growing, and we are setting ourselves up for a very dangerous fall.

  Read quote