Jeff Foxworthy
Comedian
1958-09-06
Quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
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I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead
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The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
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I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead
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The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
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When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
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People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
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Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
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The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
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I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.
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That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
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You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
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For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
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You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
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I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
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When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and 'lose that stupid accent you got.' And I'm like, 'Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent.'
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Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
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I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
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If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
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If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
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