Joe Lycett

I've developed a fun text when a friend has just had a baby. I ask a classic question: 'Are you sleeping?' The reply is inevitably that they aren't, they're getting a few hours here and there, they're exhausted. It's then when I swoop in: 'It'll all be worth it when they're softly stroking your hair as you slip into oblivion.'

Read quote

Turns out it's bloody hard to make a sculpture that looks like a human head, so I've not bothered. Realism is for squares.

Read quote

Every hairstyle I have is funny because my barber is a standup comedian by the slightly unfortunate name of Paul Sweeney. His cuts are fantastic but the chats are even better.

Read quote

I make a sensational chicken, chorizo and mung bean stew.

Read quote

I think it's something to do with the nurturing side of the psyche; tying up a sunflower or whatever and helping it grow, it is just some kind of core human experience.

Read quote

It's a cliche, but the people who enjoy your work and who come up and say, 'I enjoyed that and I liked that,' they are the people who ultimately are keeping you in work. And so, it would be rude and ungrateful of me to be anything but polite.

Read quote

I'm so British and polite that creating a scene or being confrontational is so not my vibe.

Read quote

I don't do vulgarity, I prefer to talk about nice things.

Read quote

I always loved 'The Weakest Link' and how brutal Anne Robinson was on it.

Read quote

Normally during the week between Christmas and New Year I'm slumped in a chair in Birmingham, eating, farting and spouting total nonsense.

Read quote

I remember weeping silently in bed after watching 'Titanic.'

Read quote

World domination was never the plan.

Read quote

If anything kept me awake at night it would be worrying that there wouldn't be enough time to have a nap the next day.

Read quote

It's a bit embarrassing for a company to be exposed for wrongdoing, but it's really embarrassing if it's done by making them the butt of a joke.

Read quote

I beam at the idea of me at the wheel of a luxury yacht, surrounded by models and moguls, sipping cool Gavi di Gavi as we meander down the French Riviera.

Read quote

Quotes by Joe Lycett