Karl Pilkington

Actor

1972-09-23

Quotes by Karl Pilkington

• The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos... but we never saw his wife.

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• It's interesting to see that people had so much clutter even thousands of years ago. The only way to get rid of it all was to bury it, and then some archaeologist went and dug it all up.

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• Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.

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• I'd heard street food was a big thing here in Mexico but I didn't think it meant the creatures that lived on the street.

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• I was woken early and had breakfast with the guru. We had some spicy Rice Krispies and a spicy biscuit with some really sweet, milky tea. Not the way I normally like it, but I drank it anyway as I didn't want to offend him. I suppose that is my heart telling me how to act instead of my head again. My arse may get involved later though.

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• I could eat a knob at night.

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• She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?

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• I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.

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• A dog has got human eyes.

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• I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

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• They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.

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• I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.

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• The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much.

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• It wouldn't happen... There hasn't been one publication by a monkey

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• I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things.

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• They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.

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• I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.

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• The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much.

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• I was woken early and had breakfast with the guru. We had some spicy Rice Krispies and a spicy biscuit with some really sweet, milky tea. Not the way I normally like it, but I drank it anyway as I didn't want to offend him. I suppose that is my heart telling me how to act instead of my head again. My arse may get involved later though.

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• Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.

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