Lewis Grizzard

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

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I'm a staunch believer in enterprise, and I'm glad I live in a country where - I don't think some people understand this, but if I work hard, I get rewarded for it.

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The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

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Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

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It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

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I don't think I'm a bigot or a racist. But I have a truck, a Blazer. I drink beer. There are some women I do hate.

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You can write the best column in the world on Monday, and it does you absolutely no good on Tuesday. There is no way to win. You just write until you are tired, they fire you, or you die.

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I wish one time in my life I could do what other writers do... get me a villa in Spain and go there to write a book.

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The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wiggle out of one.

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Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.

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It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a home-grown tomato.

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Being a newspaper columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It's great for the first two weeks.

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Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

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I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

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Quotes by Lewis Grizzard