Roald Dahl

Novelist

1916-09-13

Quotes by Roald Dahl

• I was glad my father was an eye-smiler. It meant he never gave me a fake smile because it's impossible to make your eyes twinkle if you aren't feeling twinkly yourself. A mouth-smile is different. You can fake a mouth-smile any time you want, simply by moving your lips. I've also learned that a real mouth-smile always has an eye-smile to go with it. So watch out, I say, when someone smiles at you but his eyes stay the same. It's sure to be a phony.

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• Down vith children! Do them in!Boil their bones and fry their skin!Bish them, sqvish them, bash them, mash them!Brrreak them, shake them, slash them, smash them!Offer chocs vith magic powder!Say "Eat up!" then say it louder.Crrram them full of sticky eats,Send them home still guzzling sveets.And in the morning little foolsGo marching off to separate schools.A girl feels sick and goes all pale.She yells, "Hey look! I've grrrown a tail!"A boy who's standing next to herScreams, "Help! I think I'm grrrowing fur!" Another shouts, "Vee look like frrreaks!There's viskers growing on our cheeks!"A boy who vos extremely tallCries out, "Vot's wrong? I'm grrrowing small!"Four tiny legs begin to sprrroutFrom everybody rrround about.And all at vunce, all in a trrrice,There are no children! Only MICE!

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• Children should never have baths,' my grandmother said. "It's a dangerous habit.'"I agree, Grandmamma.

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• It's a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful.

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• ...the more risks you allow children to take, the better they learn to take care of themselves. If you never let them take any risks, then I believe they become very prone to injury. Boys should be allowed to climb tall trees and walk along the tops of high walls and dive into the sea from high rocks... The same with girls. I like the type of child who takes risks. Better by far than the one who never does so.

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• The act of copulation is like that of picking the nose. It's all right to be doing it yourself but it is a singularly unattractive spectacle for the onlooker.

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• And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.

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• There's plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this ticket, there's only five of them in the whole world, and that's all there's ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common money. Are you a dummy?

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• Hey, my spaghetti's moving!— cried Mr. Twit, poking around in it with his fork."It's a new kind," Mrs. Twit said, taking a mouthful from her own plate which of course had no worms. —It's called Squiggly Spaghetti. It's delicious. Eat it up while it's nice and hot.

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• Men were foolish and were made only so that they should die, while mountains and rivers went on for ever and did not notice the passing of time.

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• There are many things that make a man irritable when he arrives home from work in the evening and a sensible wife will usually notice the storm-signals and will leave him alone until he simmers down.

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• I'm wondering what to read next. Matilda said. I've finished all the children's books.

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• No one who is good can ever be ugly.

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• I shall never have a bath again, I said. Just dont have one too often, my grandmother said. Once a month is quite enough for a sensible child. It was at times like these that I loved my grandmother more than ever.

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• The matter with human beans, the BFG went on, is that they is absolutely refusing to believe in anything unless they is actually seeing it right in front of their own schnozzles.

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• A dream is not needing anything. If it is a good one, it is waiting peaceably for ever until it is released and allowed to do its job. If it is a bad one, it is always fighting to get out.

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• This allowed her two glorious hours sitting quietly by herself in a cozy corner, devouring one book after another. When she had read every single children's book in the place, she started wandering round in search of something else.

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• You is getting nosier than a parker.

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• So Matilda's strong young mind continued to grow, nurtured by the voices of all those authors who had sent their books out into the world like ships on the sea. These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message: You are not alone.

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• The books transported her into new worlds and introduced her to amazing people who lived exciting lives. She went on olden-day sailing ships with Joseph Conrad. She went to Africa with Ernest Hemingway and to India with Rudyard Kipling. She travelled all over the world while sitting in her little room in an English village.

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