Ronnie Barker

Comedian

1929-09-25

Books by Ronnie Barker

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The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.
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In a packed programme tonight, we will be talking to an out-of-work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.
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In a packed programme tonight, I shall be having a word with a man who goes in for meditation, because he thinks it's better than sitting around doing nothing.
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There was a strange happening during a performance of Elgar's 'Sea Pictures' at a concert hall in Bermuda tonight, when the man playing the triangle disappeared.
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Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred 'Chuckles' Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute, the vicar read out one of Fred's jokes, and the congregation had two minutes silence.
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But first, the news: The House of Commons was sealed off today after police chased an escaped lunatic through the front door during Prime Minister's question time. A spokesman at Scotland Yard said it was like looking for a needle in a haystack.
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The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.
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