Samuel Langhorne Clemens

Writer

1835-11-30 – 1910-01-01

Books by Samuel Langhorne Clemens

Roughing it. By Mark Twain, Samuel L. Clemens. Fully illustrated by eminent artists. Issued by subscription only, etc
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Mark Twain's speeches
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Mark Twain's sketches
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Quotes by Samuel Langhorne Clemens

When angry, count to four when very angry, swear.
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The truth is more important than the facts.
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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I never smoke to excess - that is, I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.
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I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.
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Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
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Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
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Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
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Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
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I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
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It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
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A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
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Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.
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Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
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A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
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When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
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