I always knew what was most important to me. When I was growing up, nothing was more important than golf, but that's the attitude of a young person who hasn't a care in the world. Later on I figured it out. Family was first. Always. Then golf and business come after.

TV families and your own are hard to tell apart, except your isn't interrupted every six minutes by commercials and theirs don't get bogged down into nothingness, a state where nothing happens, no skit, no zany visitors, no outburst on the laugh track, nothing at all but boredom and a lost feeling, especially when you get up in the morning and the moon is still shining and men are making noisy bets on the first tee.

if you gone come in second, you're just the first loser!

The game of golf consists of a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.

If a ball comes to rest in dangerous proximity to a hippopotamus or crocodile, another ball may be dropped at a safe distance.

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a very small hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose.

Cow-pasture pool.