When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.

An individual doesn't get cancer, a family does.

Cancer got me over unimportant fears, like getting old.

Cancer tore through her body as if it were late for an important meeting with a lot of other successful diseases.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Hope your labial carcinoma clears up soon. Funny, I'd for some time been trying to lick into shape an aphorism along the lines of, 'Every hypochondriac picks a winner in the end.'

The incurable ills are the imaginary ills.

So I went to the doctor's and he said, 'You've got hypochondria.' I said, 'Not that as well!'

Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.

We are all pre-cancerous.

Nobody is sicker than the man who is sick on his day off.

Measure your health by your sympathy with morning and spring.

The preservation of health is a duty. Few seem conscious that there is such a thing as physical morality.

I've never met a really healthy person who worried much about his health, or a really good person who worried much about his soul.

Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbours.

We are all ill; but even a universal sickness implies an idea of health.

In middle life, the human back is spoiling for a technical knockout and will use the flimsiest excuse, even a sneeze, to fall apart.

If you treat a sick child like an adult and a sick adult like a child, everything usually works out pretty well.

Take care of your health so that you may die young as late as possible.

Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.