Why did God make women so beautiful and man with such a loving heart?

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving, it consists in professing to believe what he does not believe.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I think you still love me, but we can't escape the fact that I'm not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I'm not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I'm not angry, either. I should be, but I'm not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

Adultery is an evil only inasmuch as it is a theft; but we do not steal that which is given to us.

No man worth having is true to his wife, or can be true to his wife, or ever was, or ever will be so.

No woman is capable of being beautiful who is not incapable of being false.

Next to Elka lay a man's form. Another in my place would have made an uproar, and enough noise to rouse the whole town, but the thought occurred to me that I might wake the child.

The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.

To aggravate matters, a protegee of the composer's, a 55-dollar-a-week soprano with whom he had dallied in good faith, was loudly demanding a featured spot in the show, on pain of divulging the escapade to her husband.

Tis sweet to think, that, where'er we rove, We are sure to find something blissful and dear, And that, when we're far from the lips we love, We've but to make love to the lips we are near.

Wives invariably flourish when deserted; ... it is the deserting male, the reckless idealist rushing about the world seeking a non-existent felicity, who often ends in disaster.

In twenty-three years of married life he had peered uneasily at every graceful ankle, every soft shoulder; in thought he had treasured them; but not once had he hazarded respectability by adventuring.

Inconstancy no sin will prove If we consider that we love But the same beauty in another face, Like the same body in another place.

It is the fear of middle-age in the young, of old-age in the middle-aged, which is the prime cause of infidelity, that infallible rejuvenator.

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.

Those who are faithful know only the trivial side of love; it is the faithless who know love's tragedies.