The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

The first pull on the cord always sends the curtains in the wrong direction.

No matter how many rooms there are in the motel, the fellow who starts up his car at five o'clock in the morning is always parked under your window.

If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

The tendency of an event to occur varies inversely with one's preparation for it.

The more equally attractive two alternatives seem, the harder it can be to choose between them - no matter that, to the same degree, the choice can only matter less.

There is a major scandal in American political life every 50 years: Grant's in 1873, Teapot Dome in 1923, Watergate in 1973. Nail down your seats for 2023.

People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.

Most people do not go to the dentist until they have a toothache; most societies do not reform abuses until the victims begin to make life uncomfortable for others.

Any money left over will be needed tomorrow to pay an unexpected bill.

No matter what happens there's always somebody who knew it would.

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

A falling body always rolls to the most inaccessible place.

The more irrevocably something is discarded, the more urgently it will be needed after it is discarded.

If there isn't a law, there will be.

Things are always getting better and worse in India at the same time.

The length of a country's national anthem is inversely proportional to the importance of the country.

If an article is attractive, or useful, or inexpensive, they'll stop making it tomorrow; if it's all three, they stopped making it yesterday.

Most things get steadily worse.

Daughters can spend ten per cent more than a man can make in any usual occupation.