Joan Rivers

Comedian

1933-06-08 – 2014-09-04

American comedian, writer, and television host known for pioneering women in late-night TV. She hosted The Late Show Starring Joan Rivers and was widely recognized for her stand-up and red carpet commentary.

Quotes by Joan Rivers

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't makeit through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'llmake a door. Something terrific will come no matter how darkthe present.
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People say it is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.
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It gathers emotionally inside you, in a strange way a by-product of struggle, of a willingness to do anything, try anything, expose yourself to anything — staying in motion because sooner or later those ripples will cause change.
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I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.
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The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it.
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Liked was the kiss of death. Loved or hated interested him. At least the performer had aroused emotion.
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When you begin to losing your audience, do not get loud; get quiet, make them find you and come back to you.
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Laughing made me feel safe. I was not going to be enveloped by the seediness that coated this world like dust.
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Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we breathe.
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Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is true.
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I said, Is there! I told him there is a Mafia school where they teach them math — if Johnny has ten fingers and they cut off two, how many does he have left?
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Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is true.
Read quote
I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.
Read quote
It gathers emotionally inside you, in a strange way a by-product of struggle, of a willingness to do anything, try anything, expose yourself to anything — staying in motion because sooner or later those ripples will cause change.
Read quote
Laughing made me feel safe. I was not going to be enveloped by the seediness that coated this world like dust.
Read quote
Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we breathe.
Read quote
Liked was the kiss of death. Loved or hated interested him. At least the performer had aroused emotion.
Read quote
I said, Is there! I told him there is a Mafia school where they teach them math — if Johnny has ten fingers and they cut off two, how many does he have left?
Read quote
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't makeit through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'llmake a door. Something terrific will come no matter how darkthe present.
Read quote
People say it is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.
Read quote