Artie Lange

Comedian

1967-10-11

American stand-up comedian, actor, and radio personality known for Mad TV and The Howard Stern Show. He later released memoirs and performed stand-up nationally. He was born in 1967.

Books by Artie Lange

Too fat to fish
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Crash and burn
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Wanna Bet?
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Quotes by Artie Lange

You haven't lived till you've played Scrabble in a psych ward.
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You haven't lived till you've played Scrabble in a psych ward.
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The Howard Stern Show is a big hit because it entertains dumb and smart people at the same time for different reasons.
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When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs.
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world.
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My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be.
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Woody Allen stayed so good because he never left New York. Howard Stern stayed so good because he never left New York - Mel Brooks when he just got out of New York was doing 'Blazing Saddles;' when he left New York he started doing stuff like 'Robin Hood Men In Tights' - he was in L.A. too long. He lost the edge.
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When I encountered rich people for the first time, I discovered that not only do they holiday in places that are hard to find on a map, but that they also use the names of seasons as verbs. When they asked me, 'Where did you summer and winter growing up?' I would usually say, 'As a child? The same place I springed and autumned.'
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Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.
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To tell you the truth, there are all these websites predicting my early death, and it's starting to work on me!
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Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
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A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
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Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. Like, if Jerry Seinfeld wasn't funny, you'd want to punch him in the face; he'd just seem like a whiner to you. But the fact is that he's funny.
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Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.
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