Jon Stewart

Comedian

1962-11-28

American comedian, writer, producer, and television host best known for The Daily Show. He also hosted The Problem with Jon Stewart and has been active in political and veterans advocacy.

Quotes by Jon Stewart

It's funny. When we were alive we spent much of our time staring up at the cosmos and wondering what was out there. We were obsessed with the moon and whether we could one day visit it. The day we finally walked on it was celebrated worldwide as perhaps man's greatest achievement. But it was while we were there, gathering rocks from the moon's desolate landscape, that we looked up and caught a glimpse of just how incredible our own planet was. Its singular astonishing beauty. We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.
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No one is better at not beating America than England.
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It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse's office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.
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We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.
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Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
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Thomas Jefferson once said: 'Of course the people don't want war. But the people can be brought to the bidding of their leader. All you have to do is tell them they're being attacked and denounce the pacifists for somehow a lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.' I think that was Jefferson. Oh wait. That was Hermann Goering. Shoot.[Hosting the Peabody Awards for broadcasting excellence at the New York Waldorf-Astoria, June 6, 2006]
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You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.
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Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
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If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.
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I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
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Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain
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I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
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The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.
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Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.
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Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people.
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The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
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If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.
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The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.
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By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
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Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.
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