If a fourteen year-old can deliver your message, it's not because he's gifted. It's because intellectually, you're a child.

I came from a disadvantaged home. They were Republicans.

Latins for Republicans - it's like roaches for Raid.

At the end of the day, I do not care how many Democrats or Republicans are in office. What I do care about is whether our leader is truly serving THE PEOPLE or only his/her own pockets. Is our leader in tune with the concerns and needs of the man on the street - or only issues concerning private interests? Is this leader uniting or dividing the country? Milking or contributing to it? Building and preserving it -- or bringing it all down?

From the people who brought you zero tolerance, I present the Gun-Free Zone! Yippee! Problem solved! Bam! Bam! Everybody down! Hey, how did that deranged loner get a gun into this Gun-Free Zone?

I don't hate Republicans as individuals. But I hate what the Republicans are doing to this country. I really do.

Corruption is uniquely reprehensible in a democracy because it violates the system's first principle, which we all learned back in the sunshiny days of elementary school: that the government exist to serve the public, not particular companies or individuals or even elected officials.

There should no be teams to divide a nation. There should be no such thing as Them' vs. Us' - only 'WE'. The only interests that should be discussed in Washington are those that serve the best interests of the entire country. So why is there a blue team and a red one? What does it really mean to be conservative or liberal? And if you are conservative, does that mean you will blindly agree with every leader and issue brought forth by your team? And does it mean you only serve and support the upper class even if you are low class? How does that work in your favor exactly? I understand why professionals raking in heavy figures a year would hail the Republican slant for tax reasons, but why would a young unemployed kid from Jersey with an interest in acrobatics give a damn?

Republicans stand for raw, unbridled evil and greed and ignorance smothered in balloons and ribbons.

[Bill] Clinton was a pretty good president for a Republican.

Senator John Kyle claiming that over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion.Stephen Colbert: Over 90 percent, that is unbelievable...in that it is not true. Only 3 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Kyle just rounded it up to the nearest 90.

The problem with that analysis is that it is incorrect.

Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought stock in it.' Only a Republican would think the best part of Viagra is the fact that you could make money off of it.

I was raised the old-fashioned way, with a stern set of moral principles: Never lie, cheat, steal or knowingly spread a venereal disease. Never speed up to hit a pedestrian or, or course, stop to kick a pedestrian who has already been hit. From which it followed, of course, that one would never ever -- on pain of deletion from dozens of Christmas card lists across the country -- vote Republican.

How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.

Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.